SINister minister

"Sin hath the devil for its father, shame for its companion, and death for its wages."

2011: Growing Pains

It's been only a couple hours since the clock ticked past midnight and brought us all into the new year. Upon reflecting back I notice the obvious theme of the 2011: Change. Basically in every major aspect of my life including: Career, Relationship, Friends, Family, and Church. Thus far in my old age of 23 years, I can say hands-down that it was the most difficult and challenging year I have experienced. It was a long year of wrestling with the Lord, but in the end He showed me that all things work together for good.

The year began and I was the rookie of rookies, fresh out of the Academy-- Shaved head, shiny boots (hence the nickname "the boot"), stressed and nervous as hell. A sheltered little UCLA Korean church boy who grew up in the ghetto suburbs of La Canada Flintridge, I was suddenly thrown into the world of pain, drugs, thugs, and things you should never see. I got no sympathy from the streets, and definitely none from my senior coworkers who treated me nothing short of "the boot". In February, I parted ways with the girl I'd liked since high school. I moved to a new city where I didn't know anybody, nor the street names, nor even a decent place to eat. I lived out of Billy's living room (which was probably payback for making Billy pay rent to live in my closet during senior year). Still, it was nice living with a friend except for the fact I worked the night shift so when I went to bed he woke up, and vice versa. During this same time I also left my church CCAC for personal reasons, little knowing that my search for a new church would be longer and lonelier than expected. It didn't help that two of my best friends moved to NorCal for grad school. They say when it rains, it pours... and boy it sure felt like it.

I'm not sure how I made it through that middle chunk of the year, which I'd rather call the Dark Ages. Long story short, I took it one day at a time, one step at a time. The combination of all the above mentioned events led into something I'd never really experienced before... Loneliness. And between rarely seeing my friends/family/roommate, no girlfriend, no church community, it was just me and Jesus-- Wrestlemania 2011. We struggled through a whole range of emotions and in the end, I realized I have absolutely no one who is always there for me. No one I could absolutely trust, and no one who could absolutely fulfill/satisfy me. Except Jesus Christ.

Looking back now I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. Though time seemed to go by ever so slowly with each day being a struggle, I realize it was all growing pains and I truly believe it helped me grow up in the major areas of my life.

Career - That 8 months of patrol training was the most mentally/physically/emotionally draining experience I've ever been through. But I learned more in one year on this job about the world/life than in all my years in college. Today, I am past my "training days" and I thank God everyday that I get to wake up and go do the job that every boy dreams of.

Relationship - The breakup was more humbling than I could ever imagine and opened my eyes to the rampant pride/selfishness in me. I basically did everything you shouldn't do in a relationship and in the process I learned lessons that I'll carry with me through out my lifetime. It also reminded me that God takes away anything that I make into an idol.

Friends - Some of my closest friends moved back home, which I am very grateful for. I was also reminded that there are only a handful of friends who will stick it through with you. C4L, my college roomies, and a few others. Cherish them, don't take them for granted. God also introduced me to a new category of friends that was brand new to me: Coworkers. I realize I spend more time with them than anyone else in my life, and I'm glad I formed relationships which I'll end up keeping for years to come.

Family - Towards the end of the year, I moved back home full-time for the since time since highschool. I'm planning on it only being temporary, but it's nice to be back with the dad, mom, and brother. It's a lot different this time around too, with my parents being more like my peers/friends than well... my parents. And I'm starting to understand that they were wiser than I ever knew growing up.

Church - Last but not least, my journey came to end. On Dec. 4th, I stopped dating the church and finally got hitched to Christ Central of SoCal (formerly known as CPC). I got confirmed and became a member at the church which I grew to love in just a short period. I love the community, the Word preached, my small group, the vision. I forgot how vital of a role the church community is in my life.

Miscellaneous - I finally gave in and converted... to Apple products. I stopped dressing like a freshman in college, though it was painful to hang up that old wardrobe. I went from Stevo back to Stephen. And I am allowed to have hair now haha, my favorite change. :)

What a roller coaster of a year! In the end though, God brought all things full-circle and tied up each loose end perfectly in time for the new year. I'm excited for 2012, I think it will be epic. I'll leave with this verse:

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

[Philippians 3:12-14]