Don't worry, I haven't fallen into apostasy. I ain't jumpin' ship, nor am I questioning what I believe. But I marveled today-- how one morning I could wake up with an unshakeable faith as ever, and then another morning wake up and realize how quickly I had fallen and forsaken my faith. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, and before you know it I find myself asking, "How in the world did I get to this point?" All I'm going to say is that I am damn weak. And I can't live out this thing called Christianity out of my own power. I need Jesus.
I've taken note on some of my own folly that led me into spiritual depression. Take heed brethren, learn from my mistakes. Here's my "How to lose a faith in 10 days":
10) Sleep really late, and wake up really late. Play catch-up the whole day. Instead of letting your day revolve around God, try to fit God into your schedule if time permits. (And be sure to spend lots of time on the internet!)
9) Be alone for long periods of time. And if you happen to spend time with others, make sure not to talk about God or your walk. (p.s. - don't let the rebukes get to you)
8) Be somewhere that brings you back to your past, where you can easily fall back into old sinful habits.
7) Make exceptions (ex. If I just let myself sin this one time...I'll never do it again...)
6) Think highly of yourself. You can't fall. You're too strong. There's no such thing as spiritual depression... Always pretend that nothing is wrong.
5) Listen to tons of sermons and substitute them for your QT's. Be careful not to apply them to your life, and don't let anything convict you too much.
5) Don't let the gospel become a reality in your life. Don't think about the cross too much, it's just a bunch of Christian mumbo jumbo.
3) Stop reading the Bible.
2) Don't pray.
1) Lose your fear of God.
Let's be real, I've been running on fumes for about the last month. And I've just about hit empty. That list may sound funny, or even sarcastic, but that's exactly what I've been doing. In the meantime, my heart has been getting hard, and I feel more distant from God. Haha I used to pride myself so much that I didn't have one of those roller coaster Christian lives but God has a way of humbling me. At the very least I'm comforted because I know my Shepherd brings me back every time I wander. Pray for me brothers.
"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." [James 4:8]
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2 comments:
i got your back in prayer stevo =]
love ya bro
this is crazy. i just met you a couple days ago but i was on a friends blog and then saw stevo and remember you telling ester that your friend would know you by stevo and then i came here and bam! such a small world! but praise God for giving you words that have helped me to figure out what was going on. praise God that He draws us near to Him even in the moments when we feel so far away. (: Hopefully you are out of this slump but I hope that you continue to write of all the things that God is doing in your life as it continues to encourage. May you continue to glorify God in all that you do.
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