MISSION impossible

“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.’ And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimonyof God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.”

[1 Cor. 1:26–2:5]

As soon as our plane arrived back in Los Angeles, the first thing I remember hearing was my friend reminding me how terrible I was at body worship. Haha like I hadn’t forgot about that. Rather than a “Welcome back!”, I received a “Dang you were so bad at training. How did you fare in the Philippines?”—to which I smirked and replied, “Still just as terrible…but I’m glad because that way God gets all the glory and not me.” I realized something that month. Jesus is everything, and I am nothing. I can do nothing, for Jesus has already done everything. And in the end, I am everything in Christ.

From the beginning we heard it all. We were the oddball team. The team without talent. The team without experience. The team that couldn’t learn a proper skit or body worship in its entirety. In my deeply-rooted pride and dignity, I refused to believe it because it was my team. And then on the last day of training, it hit me. This team is terrible because of me. I was (am) quite possibly the worst body worshipper in the history of KCM. I never learned a VBS song the right way, so in the Philippines I just held the boombox and pranced around to avoid the shame. Starting with myself, and then the rest of the team… let’s just say our team wasn’t going to steal the show anytime soon.

The next few days were a blur, and before I knew it I was on the long flight to the Philippines, asking myself “Lord what can I do for you?” I would realize by the end of the month that was the wrong question to ask. I quickly found out from the first day of ministry that I could do absolutely nothing for Christ. My words wouldn’t come out the way I planned, the verses I learned wouldn’t come to my memory, and many a time it was plain awkward. It was humbling to see the mighty Stevo be so helpless and weak, and it was glorifying to see God work through me despite of me.

I remember meeting a woman named Susan, whose husband was in jail and she was at the point of breakdown in her life. I couldn’t come up any words, and I remember thinking “oh wow I’m talking out of my butt.” Without knowing I muttered some “jail” example to share the gospel, which I thought would be sure to turn off her heart to Jesus. Susan was silent for about 5 minutes, and just when I thought she would walk away, she suddenly broke down bawling and embraced me. In my head I was thinking, “Oh God what have I done? What did I say?” But she told me that God had used me to tell her exactly what she needed to hear, and she asked me to introduce her to Jesus. With tears streaming down Susan asked me is it true that God is good? I smiled and told her “All the time.” That was when I first realized-- in my weakness His strength is perfected. I am just a vessel.

Yet I continued to doubt the power of Christ over and over. In a village called Kiangan, there was man during our revival was who acting obnoxiously. I seriously thought he was demon possessed or something because he was disrupting the whole church during the gospel presentations and the message. One again I thought, “Naw Lord, not this guy. There’s no way that this guy can saved.” And what did Christ do? He radically changed that man’s life that night, and brought him to repentance and salvation. Though we held many other similar revivals, I always wondered if the Filipinos would even understand the message. Many of them barely spoke English, and whether Pastor Daniel spoke or I spoke, I questioned if they would even get anything. I remember going to Nueva Viscaya State University and presenting the gospel to hundreds of college students. To this day I am confident that was our worst presentation ever. The body worship was beyond the point of awkward, the skits were offbeat, the ‘Everything’ skit gave us first-degree burns from falling on the asphalt, and my gospel message…I didn’t even know what was coming out of my mouth. Yet once again, God showed me that everything comes from Him, by Him, and through Him. I offered them a chance to commit their lives to Jesus that day. And I almost broke when I saw it. More than 80 people committed their lives to Christ that day, and more than 40 of them wanted to follow up with deeper Bible study. At that point I finally got the idea. It wasn’t “Lord, what can I do for you?” But rather “Lord, why have you done all this for me?”

I am the worst sinner I know. I deserve absolutely nothing. And it blows my mind that Christ would still love me, to the point of death on a cross. You see, salvation doesn’t rest in our hands, but in the grace and goodness of our all-loving God. It’s not about what we do, but what He has already done on Calvary, once and forever. I am more sinful than I’ll ever know, and yet Jesus loves more than I could ever imagine. Once this reality hit me, missions became more than religion. It became more than do’s & don’ts. It became a joy to live in the truth of His grace and to be fearless in my faith. And in that last week, Christ did “immeasurably more than all we [could] ask or imagine, according to His power that was at work within us” (Eph.3:20). In our last days, Pastor Daniel and I decided to do something we hadn’t done for the whole trip. We laid our hands and prayed for a woman who was blind on her right eye. When we had finished praying for her, she was jumping and yelling “Amen, Amen!” because her sight was restored. The next few days we laid our hands on more people, and by the grace of God about 15 more were healed of everything from deafness, debilitating back pains, crippling disabilities, fevers, and more. It was truly humbling that God would choose to work through a sinner like me. Who knew the hands that once led me into all kinds of temptations, would be the same hands that held the power of Christ to heal. The same hands that used to lead me into all kinds of sins, would be the same hands that would lead me to pray for the sick. And not only that…during this time, we saw the greatest miracle of all: God making a dead heart alive. God opening the eyes of those who were spiritually blind. Once again, only One has the power to do so.

So in the end, I can say together with the Apostle Paul, His “grace is sufficient for [me], for [His] power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me…For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2Cor.12:9-10). I am not much. My team recycled the same 2 skits, 2 body worships, and a handful of VBS skits-- and even those we couldn’t get right. But that just means more glory to Jesus, and I’m happy with that. :) For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever and ever! Amen.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Stevo